The Samurai: Occultic Gaming Freeboot

The screaming Kawasaki engine quickly overwhelmed all podcasting microphones just before the screens went dark. The nine people watching this satanic ritual disguised as a harmless nerd game immediately lit their black Covenant Candles(tm) and consumed the blood of innocents  (i.e. cranberry jell-o shots).

“I thought he didn’t ride at night!” someone shouted from another location. “What the FUCK?”

Five of the six denizens of Torment acting as vassals of the Dark Lord (Supreme Shall He Reign) cursed and went to their kitchens for more beer and pepperoni sticks, unaware of the suffering being inflicted on the sixth.

“CHAOS MAGIC!” the Samurai could be heard shouting through crackling speakers by the curious audience, now down to eight, staring intently at the black video window on their computers and smartphones hoping to catch a glimpse of the marauder.

“Hey, that’s my beer, man!” the sixth man shouted amidst clinking and breaking glass. “You don’t just molest someone’s beer, man!”

“TOMFOOLERY!” the Samurai shouted as the audience, now down to 6, typed furiously into the live chat window:

BrutusMagnificanus30-30: “Who was that screaming? Who’s losing his beer? goddammit…WHOSE LOSING HIS FUCKING BEER?”

DickFloggsUs: Bunch a fuckin retards.

Trent4Men: I have a bow.

LarryMitsubishi: What manner of soy is this?

_Bob_Burns666: If they’re burnin, it’s cause they need to burn.

Trent4Men: Anyone want to see it?

LieutenantLibertarianism: This game is fucked. This chat is fucked. You’re all fucking fucked.

MetroJesus: The vibrations here are all wrong. Consider yourselves blocked.

BrutusMagnificanus30-30: @LL, but you’re playing the game, right?

LieutenantLibertarianism: Fuckers

_Bob_Burns666: this is about as entertaining as getting jerked off by a sperg chick wearing a metal mesh fillet glove in the dark corner of a bar listening to a bad Sabbath cover band

Trent4Men: Bow pics on website!

LarryMitsubishi: You boys are really letting down the team.

All screens remained dark and the noise increased. The power went out at all three remaining locations with viewers still online just as the commotion reached a crescendo which viewers would later liken to the mournful wailing of a thousand damned souls suffering in hellfire forever. Or Joy Behar’s voice.

Just as suddenly as it started, the channel went silent and the power returned at all locations. As the lights came up, the YouTube stats display indicated the number watching had suddenly risen to 666 active viewers, and 666 likes, 0 dislikes.

But the six original players were gone. Each player’s window was now filled by the Samurai, and only the Samurai, still and silent, staring back at the audience as the lights went out forever.







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